Need help or advice? In need of some information that may keep you out of trouble?
Our aim is to point you towards some potential sources of help, or give the web address that may provide the answer to your question.
Defend Your Castle
Tricia writes:
Are you running around like a headless chicken with no time for yourself? Do you feel guilty when you say no to a request? Then you may need to build a castle wall around yourself for protection.
Constantly being at the beck and call of everyone else is likely to result in a person becoming drained, angry and worn out. If you feel this way, your castle walls have been violated. The concept of setting boundaries may feel alien, particularly if you have a young family or are a carer, but setting boundaries allows us to function more efficiently, maintain better health and ultimately to be better able to care for those around us.
ME, ME, ME
Firstly, remember that you are responsible only FOR yourself. You can work to exercise self control over your own behaviours, attitudes and feelings. You cannot control the behaviour, attitudes and feelings of other adults. Accepting this is difficult, but can be quite liberating.
YOU, YOU, YOU
We are all responsible to others. It would not be appropriate to live in isolation, but we do need to decide whom we are responsible TO as there are not enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Being clear about an order of priority regarding our responsibilities is helpful when planning time commitments. For example, if you have a faith, you might decide that firstly you are responsible to God, secondly your spouse, thirdly your children, then your parents and so on. If you are single, this list may have your parents and particular friends as high priorities. Being clear on this can reduce conflict in our minds when we feel pulled in different directions.
DEFEND YOUR CASTLE
Protect your property. Castles walls keep things out. You have the right to decide what enters your castle walls. You cannot take on everyone else’s routine, daily burdens as this is not possible. Don’t feel guilty if you have to refuse a request to take Auntie Ethel shopping for the third time this week; to delay visitors or limit the time of telephone calls to free up time for those inside your boundary walls.
Remember to allow time for yourself within your castle walls. This is essential to recharge your batteries; we cannot run on empty. Taking time for hobbies, friends, exercise and time to pray or think can give us a real zest for life.
Keep your treasure within you castle boundaries. Remember to prioritise those who are important to you, they are part of your treasure.
THE CASTLE GATES
Castle walls have gates. Moats have drawbridges. In times of crisis, as human beings we have a responsibility to support each other. Once we have established our castle walls, we can, of course, choose to open the gates to allow entry. Supporting others in times of crisis, helping them to bear their loads, is an essential part of the human condition. Remember though, we can only support others, we cannot carry the whole load.
If you have castle gates, you have the freedom to encourage good things to enter in to your gates and hence your life, whilst aiming to minimise the negative.
STRATEGIES
Simple time management strategies can be very effective in assisting the building of castle walls.
Try buying time to think about a request saying that you will get back to a person later. Always let the person know your decision within a reasonable time.
Book ‘me time’ into your diary and keep to it as if it were an important appointment.
Book time in your diary to spend with family members. For example, when my daughter was a teenager, we booked time into our diaries to visit the theatre together.
Agree time to spend with your partner or friends and book it into your diaries.
I don’t think we every really get the whole boundaries thing right and obviously everyone’s personal situation is different. I’ve been attempting to apply the concept since I first heard it put forward during a women’s conference at Ashburnham. The ideas have been helpful to me as I am someone whose mouth naturally opens to say, ‘Yes,’ without my brain even knowing it has happened. If you’re feeling under pressure, Castle Walls are certainly worth a try.
NHS Credit Crunch Stressline
The National Health Service is providing a telephone helpline for people in the United Kingdom who are worried about the recession.
They are offering to help in four ways:
- They will listen. Dial the NHS Credit Crunch Stressline on 0300 123 2000.
- They will offer useful information.
- They will offer practical advice or point you to the right service.
- They will help you to get back control of your life.
Calls to 0300 123 2000 should cost the same as those to standard landlines and may be part of your call package. Costs from mobiles may vary.
More info: NHS Website
For help with redundancy and managing your finances, see www.direct.gov.uk
Other potential sources of help:
Christians Against Povery - CAP
Free debt counselling service where there are CAP centres. If no local centre is available links are provided to other services which may be of help plus there is on-line advice.
Citizens Advice
CAB gives practical, up to date information on a wide range of topics, including benefits and housing, employment rights and discrimination, debt and tax issues See their web site for round the clock access to this information.
Emotional & Practical Support
Bereavement
The death of a loved one is difficult. Here are a few agencies who care.
Cruse Bereavement Care exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss. The organisation provides support and offers information, advice, education and training services.
Day by Day Helpline
0844 477 9400
Open Monday to Friday 9.30am to 5pm
or email us at:helpline@cruse.org.uk
Cruse website for young people affected by bereavement www.rd4u.org.uk
The Child Bereavement Charity.
Specialises in support, information and training to all those affected when a baby or child dies, or when a child is bereaved. To speak to someone in person please contact the office on 01494 446648 during office hours.
Child Health
If your child requires hospital or other medical treatment things can feel confusing. Rather than gleaning information from trawling the internet why not have a look at Great Ormond Street's informative helpsheets for families and young people. These are written by medical professionals in language families can understand.
http://www.gosh.nhs.uk/factsheets/families/index.html
http://www.gosh.nhs.uk/factsheets/children/index.html
Carers
Are you a Carer? Carers look after someone at home with an illness or disability. A carer may be a relative, friend or neighbour. They are not paid for the care they provide. The person cared for may live in their own home or the carer’s home.
The Princess Royal Trust for Carers
There are area-based organisations across the United Kingdom that provide support and information for carers.
You can find out if there is a ‘Care for the Carers’ organisation for your area through the Princess Royal Trust for Carers.
This organisation has a network of 133 independently managed Carer’s Centres, 83 young carers services and interactive websites. The Trust provides quality information, advice and support services to almost 310,000 careers, including over 15,500 young carers.
Log on to their website, www.carers.org
Carers UK
32-36 Loman Street
Southwark
London SE1 0EET. 020 7922 8000
F. 020 7922 8001
info@carersuk.org
Carers Line T. 0808 808 7777
*Wednesday and Thursday
10am-12pm and 2pm-4pm
Campaigns on behalf of carers. Provides support and advice, information relating to local areas.
Child Protection
www.nspcc.org.uk
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children has merged with Childline.
If you are worried about a child, call the NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000.
Help for Children and Teenagers: for advice or just wanting to talk, call Childline. Calls are free and confidential. 0800 1111
Eating Disorders
BEAT http://www.b-eat.co.uk/Home
Helpline08456 341414
Monday to Friday 10:30am - 8:30pm
Saturdays 1:00pm - 4:30pm
Sunday ~ Closed
Bank Holidays 11:30am - 2:30pm
help@b-eat.co.uk
Youthline
08456 347650
TXT: 07786 20 18 20
Monday to Friday 4:30pm - 8:30pm
Saturdays 1:00pm - 4:30pm
Sunday ~ Closed
Bank Holidays 11:30am - 2:30pm
fyp@b-eat.co.uk
beat endeavours to respond to all e-mails within 5 days.
BEAT campaigns on issues relating to eating disorders and provides help and advice. BEAT covers Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia, compulsive eating and other eating disorders. There is also support for carers & message boards including one for men. All ages are welcome.
Anorexia & Bulimia Care
http://www.anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk/
01462 423351
A UK national Christian charity working to support people with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating disorder. Aims to provide help and advice for those affected and carers.
Quit Smoking
Log on to www.nhs.uk/gosmokefree for support, resources and advice to quit smoking.
Feeling Lonely? www.FathersLoveLetter.com Verses from the Bible.
Samaritans www.samaritans.org
UK phone: 08457 909090
ROI phone 1850 609090
Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental emotional support 24 hours a day for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Their service is offered by telephone, email, letter and face to face in most branches.
Samaritans is available to anyone in the UK and Republic of Ireland. If you live outside of these areas, visit www.befrienders.orgto find your nearest helpline.
*
The Labyrinth
Stressed? You might enjoy taking time out to complete the spiritual journey at the labyrinth - please note: this is a Christian website. http://www.labyrinth.org.uk/index.html
Using the Internet safely
www.getsafeonline.org
This website is sponsored by the British government, plus businesses, and offers advice about keeping safe online. It explains the big threats, and how to minimise them.
Travelling abroad – frequently asked questions
I am flying. What can I take in my carry-on luggage?
Department for Transport The rules are subject to change. For the current regulations, log on to www.dft.gov.uk/transportforyou/airtravel/airportsecurity/
I am going shopping in another country. How much can I bring back without being liable to pay tax?
HM Revenue & Customs If you are travelling outside the European Union, the limit may be lower than you expect. See:
http://customs.hmrc.gov.uk/channelsPortalWebApp/channelsPortalWebApp.portal?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pageTravel_Home
This site also provides information on duty and taxes payable on goods purchased via the Internet.
Chit Chat for December
On Your Own at Christmas Time?
It can happen that, in the midst of all the celebrations,you may be on your own at Christmas time. Perhaps your loved one has died, maybe you have moved to a new area or your children have left home and are celebrating with the ‘in-laws’ or have emigrated. If you have chosen to be alone because this is your preference, then all well and good, but here are a few suggestions you may wish to follow up if being alone is not your choice. If it’s too late this year to arrange your preferred option, then compromise this year and plan ahead for next year.
Firstly, remember being alone for a birthday or Christmas happens to a large number of people at some point in their life. Strangely, you are not alone in this respect. A little forward planning may help to ease the day, and even make it rather enjoyable.
You could opt to enjoy your own company, indulging yourself with comedy dvds, obtained in advance, to lighten the mood. If you have relatives or close friends, remember to give them a ring to wish them a Happy Christmas. A long, indulgent bath, a walk in the fresh air weather permitting, a good book or music you love can all be enjoyed. Make Christmas a day to pamper yourself but avoid over-indulging in the booze as this may have a negative effect on your mood.
If you’d like company, remember there will be others in a similar position. Perhaps there are people you could invite to share a table at a restaurant or invite to dinner at your home. Try two or three people so that if one person cancels there is another to share the day with.
Charities often require help on Christmas Day. Shelters for the homeless may provide Christmas dinner and need assistance with serving the food and entertaining guests. Hospitals and residential homes may appreciate visitors. Check in advance if you’d like to help as some organisations require forms/references to be completed for the protection of clients. If you’re too late for this Christmas, you can always put your name down to help for another time in 2009.
To help out from your home, you could take part in Amnesty International's greeting cards campaign which runs until 31st January.
Go to http://www.amnesty.org.uk for futher details. There is a link top right of the home page. As an example, cards of support are requested for women in Zimbabwe, imprisoned for protesting peacefully regarding the violence and lack of human rights in their country.
Restaurants and bars can be short staffed and happy to employ an extra pair of hands.
Holidays can be booked where participants attend alone. These are often holidays where everyone shares a common interest such as painting.
Most churches hold services on Christmas morning. You can go along and enjoy a good old carol sing and see smiling faces. Remember to say, ‘Hello’ to people yourself and someone is bound to get chatting.
The following links may be helpful:
http://www.timebank.org.uk/volunteer_christmas/ Details of volunteeting.
www.FathersLoveLetter.com Verses from the Bible.
X
http://www.travelone.co.uk Holidays for the single traveller. UK site but just internet search for others relating to your own country.
www.samaritans.org Samaritans UK helpline 08457 90 90 90 - someone to talk to if you have things on your mind
In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90
Other numbers for armed forces and textphones for deaf and hard of hearing see website www.samaritans.org
www.befrienders.org has details of support in 40 countries worldwide for those in emotional crisis.
Click here to return to Home page.
Defend Your Castle
Tricia writes:
Are you running around like a headless chicken with no time for yourself? Do you feel guilty when you say no to a request? Then you may need to build a castle wall around yourself for protection.
Constantly being at the beck and call of everyone else is likely to result in a person becoming drained, angry and worn out. If you feel this way, your castle walls have been violated. The concept of setting boundaries may feel alien, particularly if you have a young family or are a carer, but setting boundaries allows us to function more efficiently, maintain better health and ultimately to be better able to care for those around us.
ME, ME, ME
Firstly, remember that you are responsible only FOR yourself. You can work to exercised self control over your own behaviours, attitudes and feelings. You cannot control the behaviour, attitudes and feelings of other adults. Accepting this is difficult, but can be quite liberating.
YOU, YOU, YOU
We are all responsible to others. It would not be appropriate to live in isolation, but we do need to decide whom we are responsible TO as there are not enough hours in the day to be all things to all people. Being clear about an order of priority regarding our responsibilities is helpful when planning time commitments. For example, if you have a faith, you might decide that firstly you are responsible to God, secondly your spouse, thirdly your children, then your parents and so on. If you are single, this list may have your parents and particular friends as high priorities. Being clear on this can reduce conflict in our minds when we feel pulled in different directions.
GET BUILDING THOSE WALLS
Protect your property. Castles walls keep things out. You have the right to decide what enters your castle walls. You cannot take on everyone else’s routine, daily burdens as this is not possible. Don’t feel guilty if you have to refuse a request to take Auntie Ethel shopping for the third time this week; to delay visitors or limit the time of telephone calls to free up time for those inside your boundary walls.
Remember to allow time for yourself within your castle walls. This is essential to recharge your batteries; we cannot run on empty. Taking time for hobbies, friends, exercise and time to pray or think can give us a real zest for life.
Keep your treasure within you castle boundaries. Remember to prioritise those who are important to you, they are your treasure.
THE CASTLE GATES
Castle walls have gates. Moats have drawbridges. In times of crisis, as human beings we have a responsibility to support each other. Once we have established our castle walls, we can, of course, choose to open the gates to allow entry. Supporting others in times of crisis, helping them to bear their loads, is an essential part of the human condition. Remember though, we can only support others, we cannot carry the whole load.
If you have castle gates, you have the freedom to encourage good things to enter in to your gates and hence your life, whilst aiming to minimise the negative.
STRATEGIES
Simple time management strategies can be very effective in assisting the building of castle walls.
Try buying time to think about a request saying that you will get back to a person later. Always let the person know your decision within a reasonable time.
Book ‘me time’ into your diary and keep to it as if it were an important appointment.
Book time in your diary to spend with family members. For example, when my daughter was a teenager, we booked time into our diaries to visit the theatre together.
Agree time to spend with your partner or friends and book it into your diaries.
I don’t think we every really get the whole boundaries thing right and obviously everyone’s personal situation is different. I’ve been trying to apply the concept since I first heard it put forward during a women’s conference at Ashburnham. The ideas have been helpful to me as I am someone whose mouth naturally opens to say, ‘Yes,’ without my brain even knowing it has happened. If you’re feeling under pressure, it’s certainly worth a try.
THE CASTLE GATES
Castle walls have gates. Moats have drawbridges. In times of crisis, as human beings we have a responsibility to support each other. Once we have established our castle walls, we can, of course, choose to open the gates to allow entry. Supporting others in times of crisis, helping them to bear their loads, is an essential part of the human condition. Remember though, we can only support others, we cannot carry the whole load.
If you have castle gates, you have the freedom to encourage good things to enter in to your gates and hence your life, whilst aiming to minimise the negative.
STRATEGIES
Simple time management strategies can be very effective in assisting the building of castle walls.
Try buying time to think about a request saying that you will get back to a person later. Always let the person know your decision within a reasonable time.
Book ‘me time’ into your diary and keep to it as if it were an important appointment.
Book time in your diary to spend with family members. For example, when my daughter was a teenager, we booked time into our diaries to visit the theatre together.
Agree time to spend with your partner or friends and book it into your diaries.
I don’t think we every really get the whole boundaries thing right and obviously everyone’s personal situation is different. I’ve been trying to apply the concept since I first heard it put forward during a women’s conference at Ashburnham. The ideas have been helpful to me as I am someone whose mouth naturally opens to say, ‘Yes,’ without my brain even knowing it has happened. If you’re feeling under pressure, it’s certainly worth a try.
